Lee feels led to talk today.

In and Out of Madness is a long, sad story that deals with mental illness. Lee Thames gives a first person report about her life. Here is a synopsis:

"I'm bipolar. I married a man in a wheelchair because of my molestation as a child. While sick (manic) he farmed me out to other men and that is how I met my second husband who swore he'd cherish me and never let another man touch me. But, he was a sex addict and broke my heart. To "keep him" because I loved him so much, I stooped to swinging, again going from suicidal attempts in depression to manic highs of rage. Eventually, after all the I love yous and I'll never cheat on you again, once my inheritance ran out, so did he. I thought he was my soul mate. That's when I decided to lure him to my house and shoot him. If I couldn't have him, then no one else could either.

To this day, I know I'm so much better off without him, but he still holds a place in my heart that no one else can fill. In the meantime, moving from our house and farm of broken dreams and promises to Mobile where my daughter (our daughter) lives, getting a Christian therapist, and trying a new med called Abilify...my life finally started to fall into place. However, I was extremely angry and unforgiving and bitter. I went to church with my neighbor, by this time, I'd given up on God and only went to be polite. The minister asked to raise your hand if you had a spirit of unforgiveness, bitterness, anger, or depression. I thought, what have I got to lose...never expecting anything to really happen. But, I raised my hand and repeated the prayer with an unbelieving spirit, and BAM..just like that, I felt it all lifted off of me.

Most of the time, I'm fine being alone...but out of nowhere, songs have been triggering me...and I've been somewhat depressed. My daughter taught me that depression is a liar and I'm not all the things that depressions calls me in my head. That helps but sometimes it's so bad, I have to take sleeping meds and knock myself out to stop the ugly voices."